Last night I had a conversation with one of Cory’s cousins, we talked for hours. About everything. And it was the first time in a long time that I felt really happy. I was content, I was able to talk about it to a friend who didn’t judge and was just a really great listener.
Tonight I watched a movie, laying on the couch and when the credits rolled, I rolled over expecting to see Cory sitting next to me, asleep from the chic flick.
How do I stop responding to things this way?
Tonight, well tonight, I just miss him.
Often, I get so upset and emotional about everything that I can’t even describe what I’m dealing with. I’m reacting to the breakup instead of him. And tonight, it’s not like that.
I just miss him.
And now I really want to call him. And now I’m hating myself for admitting that.
Why can’t we just talk about things that don’t have to do with us? Why can’t I just listen to the sound of his voice? Why can’t he just hug me or hold my hand?
Why doesn’t he want me in his life?
What did I do?
And now I’m sitting in the living room, hysterically crying looking at pictures of us…smart.
Jesus it’s like I forgot what he looked like or something. Even in photos his eyes stare right through me.
God, I want to call him. I want to cry with him. I want to scream at him. I want to be allowed to love him.
I don’t know how to do this without him.
Why doesn’t he want me?
Why couldn’t he trust me?
I want answers, it’s not fair.
When did the unhappiness start?
What did I do?
Where’s my best friend?
I just want to hear his voice.
breakupandbreakthrough 